THE HEADMASTER'S ELEVENTH BLOG

Keen to excite the parental body beyond all human imaginings, I thought I might remind you of the fact that Bromsgrove is a founder member of HMC.

“Well I never!” you cry, pouring your cornflakes over the floor: “how undeniably thrilling.” Indeed, I can almost hear the scattered applause around the globe.

Or, more likely, are you actually saying: “HM what?”

HMC, The Headmaster’s Conference. It first met in 1869 and has now grown to well over 200 schools (some with Headmistresses now) which include all those you find in crosswords such as Eton, Harrow etc. A Headmaster has to be elected onto this venerable body, and if your School starts slipping up in terms of results or standards, you get the heave–ho. The annual meeting is next week in St. Andrews, Scotland. The press and senior politicians come along to hear the musings of this veritable swelling of Heads. Ambitious young tyros jostle to be seen with the Head of Eton but run like wildfire if they think they might be photographed with me. I might take my gorilla mask this year to liven things up still further. Floreat Bromsgrovia.

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I was speaking with a group of Prep School children in my office yesterday and we touched on the nature and importance of the CV in later life. It struck me that many of these pupils will be employed in jobs whose titles have yet to be invented. In times long gone you knew where you stood with a job title. One might have said: “Hello, I’m a puddler” or “Would you be in need of a cordwainer? It’s different now: pupils who have just left can expect to be Modality Managers. But what of the future? Well, in and around Silicon Valley, they already have a Chief Dreamer, a Friction Arrestor and, my favourite, a Goddess of the People. How lovely.

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Finally, the results of the question posed in the last blog. Avid readers will recall I had contemplated the multitude that had passed through this School over the centuries. That got me a-thinking. Could anybody, I wondered, name a band who had changed all of their line up and subsequently enjoyed greater success without a single original member?

In third place, and the most popular answer by far, came The Sugababes. In second place (and surely the most terrifying response): The Wurzels. (I confess I have lost sleep over this. The parent concerned is a highly intelligent and articulate soul, yet openly admitting to knowing this kind of thing is surely tantamount to keeping bodies in the basement). But in first place – by a country mile – The Hallé Orchestra. Since a dodgy first gig in 1858, they have been through literally scores of line up changes and emerged stronger than ever. Great answer. Warm fizzy goodness to a member of the Prep School staff who can now look forward to benevolent Headmasterial glances and rapid promotion.

DAZED AND CONFUSED - THE HEADMASTER’S TENTH BLOG

Righto. Welcome one and all. My top conversation of the holiday was with a prospective international pupil.

“Why Bromsgrove?”

“I have always wanted to see the Garden of England, Sir.”

“But that’s Kent.”

Awkward pause.  Subsequent slow realisation on both our parts that the pupil thought he had applied for Bromley. Further doubts ensue when pupil expresses interest in History (Bromley hasn’t been in Kent since 1963) and Geography (Bromsgrove is over 100 miles away from where he thought he was).

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Parents have received formal notification of our results and sundry achievements over the summer, so I’d like here to mention something that isn’t on the website or on headed paper. It’s this: more pupils sat public examinations at Bromsgrove over the summer than attend an average Stafford Rangers home fixture, and more public examinations (A level, AS level, GCSE, IGCSE, IB, BTEC etc.) were taken than there are stars visible to the naked eye at any one time. Bravo to the staff who processed the results. Epic.

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My butch swaggering around the building sites this summer saw me chomping a Yorkie or two on the living roof of the new sports arena. It really is quite a thing. You could hold a grouse shoot up there. As for scale, I have been taken aback by the size of the new Hospitality Suite. The first floor is a whopping space with wonderful views. So, if you are a parent cheering your children on through horizontal rain this term, salvation is at hand in the Senior School at least. In a few months you’ll be sipping piping hot tea (laced with whatever you keep in your hip flask) in the equivalent of a Royal Box at Wembley, waving cheerily to your bedraggled warriors down below.

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I’m sure all discerning parents watched TV highlights of the High Voltage Festival over the summer. This is the rock festival where one person from a famous band of forty years ago gets three or four younger people to help him recreate the magic of 1973. The bands retain their original names, of course, to give the impression nothing has changed, even though only the bass player is still alive from the original line up. So, instead of calling yourself “Creaky Bob Patterson and Five Young Blokes”, you remain “Washington Farmhouse Kitchen” or whatever you were. I ponder this merely because Bromsgrove is 500 years old and none of the original line up is with us. So, can anybody think of a band without a single original member who became all the better for it? Glass of Babycham for the best answer.