We think a certain Bromsgrove 1st XI player has just made the most runs ever in a season and, with a double century, accumulated the biggest single score in Bromsgrove history. When I speak of this remarkable feat, I am minded of my own sporting greatness, not least when my mother told me to look out for my little sister on the occasion my Primary School took us to the local swimming baths. Keen to impress my tiny sibling, I demonstrated the art of the shallow dive. Having been forced to witness the demonstration, my sister took time to watch the small pool of blood form on the surface of the water before nonchalantly informing the teachers that her brother was still underwater and less visibly active that one might have hoped. I was rescued by a fully clothed life guard, and rushed to a major Liverpool hospital at where my head was stitched back together.
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You might be wondering why I haven’t mentioned the diet for a while.
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Quantum physicists tell us that electrons can be in two places at the same time. I’m not sure what the fuss is about because a decent sprinter on an old-style whole School photograph could pull off the same stunt. However, the quantum physicists seem pretty smug about it, but - if we’re so clever - can any smarty pants tell me why, after a twentieth birthday, one’s shirt remains forever tucked in, whereas until that joyous occasion it can escape the confines of outer garments as if possessed by the spirit of Houdini?
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You will be expecting me to say something about strikes and pensions.
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This is my last blog for a couple of months, and while I’d love to tell you I can barely type for tears, the fact is I’m about to defrost the sausages and crack open a celebratory Tia Maria. When I was little, I read a magazine called 21st Century that predicted mankind’s future. In it, jet liners were as large as ocean going ships and flew at five times the speed of sound. Space had been conquered and we had colonies on distant planets. In a state of perpetual peace we lived in mile high cities (unless invaded by unpleasant aliens whom we invariably saw off with aplomb). So when somebody tells me that blogging or twittering is “like amazing”, I can’t help but think of a certain emperor and his clothes. Anyway, I’ll be back in September, and I’ll do as I’m told. But deep, deep down it will always be “Space Cadet Edwards reporting for duty, sir.”
Have a wonderful summer.
